Saving Face (and Hindsight)

The Vietnamese flag
(Photo taken in Hanoi, 2013)

I found one last blog draft on my desktop while doing a little virtual spring-cleaning. It's interesting to see how my perspective changed so dramatically in just a few weeks while I was in Hanoi: I wrote the below draft about halfway through my stay with CVTD in Vietnam, and my post here called "The modern Vietnamese woman" was drafted a week or so later.

I'm really proud that I did not publish the following account first; it really shows how much I still had to learn. In it, I hear a lot of arrogance in myself and a lot of that world-renowned "ugly American" attitude. I hope I have grown a lot since then. See what you think! And please read my other posts too, if this is your first time visiting my blog. :) I promise we Americans do try to be culturally sensitive!*

(Written March 20, 2013)

My first experience with the concept of saving face was fascinating. Three adults were in my first class, and we were playing “2 Truths 1 Lie.” One student was having difficulty, and he said the sentences, “I am from Hanoi. I don’t know English. I speak English.” The unfortunate truth was that the third was false, and the class realized this, but we would all lose face if we said that one student could not speak English. I winged it, and honestly I’m not sure what I would have said if the other students and my teaching assistant hadn’t come to the rescue. 

The student was visibly uncomfortable and I asked the class, “So… which one is false?” His neighbor timidly added a new sentence for him: “I am from [nearby town].” The teaching assistant jumped in, saying, “Ah, yes I think he will have four sentences.” At this point I caught on, and asked again, “Ok! Which one is false?” And everyone heartily agreed that the fourth sentence was false, since the students were all from Hanoi. No one wanted to make him feel bad or say that he could not speak English well, so they saved him. This graceful social footwork made me truly grasp the reason we save face, although I know that I will still struggle with it. I am hopeful that I can practice graciously saving my own face and that of others. 

According to my flatmate, this wasn’t really an example of “face.” But I do want to remember the way I understood this helpful moment between Vietnamese peers.

* I think it is hard for Americans to fully understand other cultures purely by traveling on vacation. As a nation, we are highly mixed ethnically, and most Americans (Canadians too, I suppose! And, well... all nations nowadays!) do have more than two ethnicities in their immediate ancestry. For this reason, I think the "pure-bred" American is, simply put, a natural born traveler! It takes us a long time to truly understand people because we have to live abroad to gain a full appreciation for our fellow human, rather than just pass through as tourists.

Another Journey, Another Blog

The TV tower in Nagoya, Japan

Hello, everyone! Since my last post, I have returned to the US, worked a bit for an awesome (well-known!) English language school, then jetted off again to start my next adventure in Japan! Because I love starting new volumes of things, I have started a new blog. Please follow me at Fate and Heritage!

The modern Vietnamese woman

A woman sells flowers around Hanoi to support her family.
Other women sell fruit or other sundries and
sometimes don't see their families for days. 

In many ways it seems that gender equality in Vietnam is far behind the equality our mothers and grandmothers worked hard to create in the Western world. Women are still expected to defer to men, and in particular most men don't even know how to cook or take care of the home, as domesticity is the wife's domain. There are certain exceptions, of course. But in our apartment, the three lovely Vietnamese teaching assistants were the picture of girls trained in being a "woman." Indeed, at times I wondered whether this domestic training came at the price of the girls' academic and professional interests. Sometimes the combination of their household work with their volunteer work filled their days so completely that they couldn't join the rest of us in exploring the city or participating in the ever-important "cultural exchange." (Whatever that means!)

I learned a great deal from my Vietnamese sisters about cooking, though naturally the cooking was secondary to the cultural lessons I will treasure. I have been impressed day in and day out by the initiative taken by my friends to provide for our household, and occasionally for the one to five guests we receive at mealtimes, since our apartment is also part office.

After my firsthand observations of gender roles in Vietnam, I had a fair amount of background knowledge when I visited the Vietnam Women's Museum in Hanoi. Normally, I much prefer social and cultural museums to art museums, and this was no exception. I wandered around the three stories of the museum and learned so much about marriage rituals and the role of women revolutionaries during war periods in Vietnam. The floor dedicated to fashion through the ages didn't hold my interest, but the photo here made a lasting impression on me. It shows a woman reunited with her son after seven years' absence; he had been sentenced to death.

This photo, strategically left until the last portion of the revolutionary women exhibit, moved me to tears in an instant. I realized that the Vietnamese culture of women as caretakers comes from a very genuine place of caring and devotion, qualities that we sometimes neglect as independent American women who have been raised to take what we want and prove we're just as good as men.

It's humbling to think that perhaps the Vietnamese caretaker mother has just as much power as the breadwinning American mother, in a completely different sense of the word.

Lifestyle snapshot

The foreigners living in Licogi-18 apartments

Trying chè on the street: cold yogurt drink with various fixings:
red bean, tapioca, mango... unidentified jellies!

Hanoi has been fairly more work than play, but I like it! So far I have had about equal good and bad lessons. I'm learning a lot from my mistakes, which I have come to terms with, but it's still no less frustrating. I also gave a presentation and demo lesson on blended learning. It was quite a success, despite the fact that the 500 primary school kids I presented to were hesitant to shout at full-volume when I asked them to! The demo lesson was fantastic, given the challenges of blended learning that I was already familiar with from my work in Oakland. I hope to post some pictures of that soon, since the CVTD staff was at full force behind the lens during the lesson.

CVTD entrance — a "light" day for shoes

We recently welcomed two new American volunteer teachers, so there were seven of us in the three-bedroom apartment. And yesterday, we added another Vietnamese teaching assistant to the fold, so there are eight of us. It's nice to live in this social atmosphere, but we have certainly been frustrated at times by the lack of communication from higher up when these big changes are about to happen. Just like when our apartment became the office headquarters, we didn't have notice of our new flatmates until sometimes the night before their arrival — or even the morning of!

The chairs at the streetside restaurants are TINY!

Besides all that, life is pretty much approaching normal, such that I'm afraid I don't have much to write about! I've gone to a few more Couchsurfing events and tried new foods, and walked countless kilometers around Hanoi... catching a glimpse of the peacocks and macaques in the Botanical Garden along the way... (and then falling asleep on a park bench while park staff raked leaves in my personal space). This weekend, several of us from the apartment will check out the famous Hanoi water puppet show, for only $5! I'm as relieved as ever for the cheap cost of living here, as my savings are dwindling frighteningly fast.

I liked seeing the kids looking out
over the schoolyard, near the botanical garden

Hard at work in Hanoi

My four lovely flatmates (soon to be 2 more of us!)

 

Met a few Hanoi University students while trying chè on the street 

I arrived to Hanoi on Monday, March 18th after taking the train through the night from Danang. Quynh from CVTD was there waiting for me with my name on a sign (only the second time this has ever happened to me; it always feels like the movies!). She and I were on our way very quickly, and struggled through a bit of language barriers as well as terrifying traffic. We literally walked in the street trundling my giant suitcase behind us. I was very stressed, and we also had to take two buses for one hour to arrive at the CVTD apartment. Luckily the bus here is only about $0.30, like in Bangkok.

Despite a little grumpiness on my part (and thoroughly admirable good will on Quynh's), we arrived and I was able to relax. I met some of the staff and, as luck would have it, all I had to do that first afternoon was await the evening birthday party of a fellow volunteer. We had delicious cake and food, and I was able to join the little community here on a strong note.

Kim Chung primary school at pick-up time

My duties here include teaching one class of children per week, two weekly classes for adults, and offering my experience with blended learning as a sort of consultant. I'm apparently leading a presentation about blended learning for 900 people on Monday morning!!! More to come on that. I've also been tasked with the creation of an intensive beginning English curriculum for unemployed students. I'm working much more than I expected, but I actually enjoy it; I feel much better when I put my entire efforts into productive work. I'm so glad I chose to volunteer as part of my travels — I was getting tired of relaxing, to be honest.

Rice fields and hypermarket complex right next door 

Every few days, I make the hour-long, 25 km bus trek into Hanoi city to explore a bit. So far, I've seen the Hoan Kiem lake, enjoyed a concert at the French Institute, watched short films by young Vietnamese directors at the Goethe Institute, and met up with Couchsurfing locals. One night, I even ran into some recent CELTA veterans with my Spanish flatmate Ana! I toasted their success and we had an interesting night... at times completely forgetting to "grade" our English to Ana's level. But everybody kept spirits up, and I was really glad to meet them. I'm very glad I did my CELTA at Chiang Mai, though, because these guys said they had to commute by motorbike (?!) every day to their course premises. And you know what that means: putting your life in the hands of Hanoi's most nefarious daredevils at least two times a day!

I used my face mask to keep pollution away
and distract from my mosquito-bit eyes.

Couchsurfing in Danang

Pagoda on the hill in Danang 

Couchsurfing brings people together!

After my fantastic experiences with the Couchsurfing community in Bangkok, I was eager to participate more. I found a lovely host in Danang after I left Hoi An, and she and her parents even picked me up at my hotel in Hoi An. It turns out one of their relatives works/owns the establishment across the street from the luxurious Huy Hoang Garden Hotel!

Nhi, my host, is married to a Vietnamese guy who is currently working all the way in Finland, and she occasionally hosts Couchsurfers at her parents' amazing, three-story home. It is absolutely beautiful, and even has a small moat inside! We dropped my things off and Nhi took me by motorbike on a little night tour of her city. I had eaten my Hoi An feast right before the half-hour drive to Danang, so we just got coconut jelly drinks and sat chatting by the busy riverside. She pointed out the beautiful bridges in Danang (known as the city of bridges!) as she sped us expertly around the moderately heavy motorbike traffic.

In the morning, we had tasty noodles for breakfast at a local place. I hardly saw any foreign tourists in Danang, but I can't see why - it's a very beautiful city with lots to explore. Marble Mountain is several kilometers away and attracts tourists of its own, but Danang itself is a large city with lots of potential, I think. We skipped Marble Mountain this time, but Nhi and I went to a hilltop pagoda (I forget the name) and enjoyed the beautiful views. It reminded me of Marseille, where you can drag yourself to the top of a steep hill to see Notre Dame de la Garde. I have many fond memories in Marseille, and now I have fond memories of Danang. :)

We had lunch by the sea, where I ate a giant portion of seafood fried rice — very American of them! Most of the other restaurants I have been to serve less enormous portions. After that, we relaxed at her home with friends who had just come to town, and a few people played a Vietnamese card game in her living room. I tried my best to understand the rules, but couldn't for the life of me put it together. By the early evening, it was time for me to go to the train station for Hanoi, so I bid Nhi and her friends and family goodbye, thanking them for such a wonderful experience.

View from the hilltop pagoda

Heaven in Hoi An

Beautiful beaches in the Cham Islands, near Hoi An

I'll say it once and then leave it at that: my arrival in Saigon from Cambodia was a disaster, leaving me phoneless and $50 poorer. But things got significantly better!

Vietnamese lanterns in the streets of Hoi An

My Saigon guesthouse was a huge help, and I was relieved that the person receiving me that evening spoke English natively! I went to my room and decompressed that first evening, and then set out on a walking adventure the next day. I had no idea that Saigon, also known as Ho Chi Minh City, is the biggest in Vietnam! Blissfully ignorant, I dipped my toes in the insane traffic there, jaywalking through seas of motorbikes the way locals do. I made it out unscathed and only learned afterward that this was quite a feat!

I saw the river, the market and the electronics shopping plaza in Saigon but had already booked my train to Danang, a city up the coast, for later that afternoon. I bought my requisite Asian snacks and got myself aboard for an overnight sleeper train. It was my first! The "hard sleeper" was no different in comfort than the "soft sleeper" I would experience later, but it certainly was interesting to sleep in the middle bunk with five other passengers in the compartment.

At Danang, I caught a cab to the nearby beach town of Hoi An, where I stayed at the Huy Hoang Garden Hotel — this paradise nearly rivaled the Vdara resort where I stayed in Chiang Mai! I rented a $1.50 bicycle every day for the three days I spent there, and it was great to be back on wheels. I felt very grateful that I'd had the practice on a bike in Berkeley, because I certainly couldn't have navigated the motorbikes (fewer though they were) and lazy pedestrian tourists without some cycling chops.

My cycling took me to the beach, an artisan craft workshop for folks with disabilities, a custom tailor (2 suits for $140 total! A total steal!), and countless restaurants for tasty local food. On my third day, I reserved a tour of the nearby Cham Islands, complete with complimentary lunch and a snorkeling adventure.

The tiny jellyfish that stung me
were smaller than half the size of these starfish

The day trip was my favorite part of Hoi An! I'm so glad I got to go, and that I met some cool Aussies and a French guy on the minibus ride to the port. We saw the local town, which operates without electricity during the day and survives on generator power at night (it shuts off at 11 p.m.!!). We tramped through rice fields and took a speedboat to the beach where we splashed around before boarding the boat again and jumping off of it into the clear blue sea with our snorkel gear. The water wasn't as fish-populated as the waters in Hawaii I saw, but there was some coral and in fact a few jellyfish, which stung me. They were the tiniest of pinprick stings, but they annoyed me enough that I got out of the water after a few minutes. I sat on the boat with the others and joyfully held some starfish collected by a more daring snorkeler. (We threw them back of course.)

After the snorkeling, we boated back to the beach where a beautiful lunch was laid out for us to gobble down. I barely remember what we had, but it was delicious seafood! Then we lounged on the beach some more and I felt vaguely guilty for having such a lazy holiday, but it passed quickly. :) At 1:30 it was time to head back to Hoi An, where I freshened up and biked to pick up my suits. They seriously took over my suitcase (no pun intended), and I wish I hadn't packed so many unnecessary things to begin with!!

In the evening I met up with the group I met on the day trip, and we had a veritable smorgasbord of Hoi An cuisine for dinner, costing only about $8 per person! I finally got to try the "white rose" dumplings I had wanted since my arrival in Hoi An. (At another restaurant I asked for them but got completely the wrong thing...)

French-Aussie-Aussie-American